“i am like a book,
with pages that have stuck together
for want of use:
my mind needs unpacking
and the truths stored within
must be turned over
from time to time,
to be ready when
i am stuck. feel as though i'm stuck in a crack beneath a big boulder and can't budge an inch. i've tried all the usual tricks to get myself jump started. nothing. it's not that the ideas are not there. more like that there are too many. all running around. bumping into each other. dancing just out of reach as i try to tack them down into cloth.
it's not that i don't have the resources. the raw materials. more that there may be too much to choose from. so much so that i am inundated by options.
it's just that i am feeling stuck. not just in my art. i feel myself isolating more and more and my social life and dating has become pretty non-existent. i am just struggling a lot with motivation right now. i feel lost. confused. i don't know what my purpose in life is, anymore.
i just have to keep going. keep moving. keep creating. keep practicing. keep cleaning. keep sorting.
i found this passage in a book that i have no idea where it came from, but it seemed to speak volumes at this moment:
"don't beat yourself up for not knowing all the answers.
you don't always have to know who you are.
you don't have to have the big picture,
or know where you're heading.
sometimes it's enough just to know what you're going to do next."
- sophie kinsella, the undomestic goddess
the trouble being, of course, that sometimes i'm not even certain of what i'm going to do next.