Wednesday, September 28, 2011
it can be very interesting when one begins to sit and truly look at our daily lives and habits. we see things that we may have never noticed before. pathways and grooves of pattern and thought. some more well-worn than others. some barely a deer track through the woods. and when you have been looking at these for a long time, you begin to realize that they are not the same grooves and pathways as yesterday's, nor of the day's before, nor of the day's before that... they are forever shifting. even the ones that look "the same" have changed in a million little ways that only become apparent when one really stops and looks at them.
lately, it would seem, my well-worn grooves have been marked by signs of avoidance. not so much avoidance of a particular thing, or person. but more of an avoidance of completion. of burying my head in the sand and pretending, for all intents and purposes, that there is nothing to complete. only new projects to commence and forge ahead on...
yes. yes, i've talked about this before in one way or another, so, you see, this groove is worn deeply into the landscape of my experience. but i have yet to discover why. only that it is...and it affects every level and aspect of my life.
i look back and see unfinished projects, yes. but i also see unfinished relationships. unfinished schooling. unfinished moves. unfinished unpacking. at first, it is all very unsettling.