it can be very interesting when one begins to sit and truly look at our daily lives and habits. we see things that we may have never noticed before. pathways and grooves of pattern and thought. some more well-worn than others. some barely a deer track through the woods. and when you have been looking at these for a long time, you begin to realize that they are not the same grooves and pathways as yesterday's, nor of the day's before, nor of the day's before that... they are forever shifting. even the ones that look "the same" have changed in a million little ways that only become apparent when one really stops and looks at them.
lately, it would seem, my well-worn grooves have been marked by signs of avoidance. not so much avoidance of a particular thing, or person. but more of an avoidance of completion. of burying my head in the sand and pretending, for all intents and purposes, that there is nothing to complete. only new projects to commence and forge ahead on...
yes. yes, i've talked about this before in one way or another, so, you see, this groove is worn deeply into the landscape of my experience. but i have yet to discover why. only that it is...and it affects every level and aspect of my life.
i look back and see unfinished projects, yes. but i also see unfinished relationships. unfinished schooling. unfinished moves. unfinished unpacking. at first, it is all very unsettling.
but, now... now i know that this groove is deep. so deep in some places that i can't see anything around me besides the walls of this groove. now it is time to begin climbing these walls and getting some fresh perspective on the landscape of my life!
meanwhile, i will resume needle chanting tomorrow... perhaps this will give me direction? or, at least, a steady rhythmic pattern to work to...
sounds to me like you are on your way out of that groove bit by bit.
ReplyDeletebeen there lately.
ReplyDeleteYes : up again! (slowly but steady : stitch by stitch ....)
ReplyDeleteYes Joe there is so much temptation. Sometimes the hardest thing, I find, is to just stay on task.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was in one of these ruts/grooves, some years ago, my Father told me that I had a fear of success. I think he was right. In any case, Joe, you have and have had lot's of company.
ReplyDeletea fear of success. ah! but for what reason? i know this has been one of my hurdles...though for me it was because i feared that i would be unable to rise to that same level of success again...which would then become a fear of failure? ha! odd creatures we are!!
ReplyDelete...from me sitting in my very deep groove...Joe...you have hit his nail right between the eyes!! Has anyone out there got a ladder for me...i fear that using a ladder is going to be the only way out of my groove...
ReplyDelete