Tuesday, January 18, 2011

this is what we do

every moment
of one's existence
one is growing into more
or retreating into less.
one is always living
a little more
or dying a little bit.
- norman mailer


in india, there is a story about a kind sage who prayed in the ganges river every morning. then, one day after praying, he saw a poisonous spider drowning in the water. he cupped his hand and carried it ashore. as he set the spider down on the dry ground, it bit him. unaware, his prayers for the world diluted the poison and protected him.

the next day, he rescued the same poisonous spider from drowning and the spider bit him once again. the next day, the sage was waste deep in the ganges when he spied yet again the same spider, struggling frantically in the water. as the man reached to rescue the insect once again, the spider asked, "why do you keep lifting me out of the water? can't you see that i will bite you every time? it is what i do!"  the kind sage cupped his hand and reached for the spider, replying, "because this is what i do."


there are countless reasons to be kind. though none so compelling as the simple reason that it is what we do. it is how we rest in a state of being present. simply being. spiders bite. dogs bark. fish swim. moles dig. we lift each other. without thought of consequence. if something falls, we reach for it. if something breaks, we try to fix it. if someone cries, we try to soothe them. sometimes, like the sage lifting the spider, we get bit for our trouble, but it is what we do. our ability to lift others up. to help. to nurture. to assist. is more important than the possibility of getting bitten. it makes us human. it finds our balance.

i realized this morning the reason i had been feeling so empty. bitten. inward. dark. i just left my current job in a skilled nursing cottage to take a less emotionally (and physically) stressful one in an assisted living cottage. it is the job i had my eyes on from the moment i went to work at this organization. but, along the way, i have reached out and lifted so many up. you can't help but form attachments with those you are helping. not and remain sane. i've attended many funerals. comforted families that were not my own. bathed the living and the dead.

i realized this morning that none of this mattered. it is what i do. what had drawn a shadow across my heart was not the loving and losing. it was that i felt like i had abandoned those elders in my care to take a different position. but i have realized that they still are in my hands. being lifted. being cherished. i may not be by their sides day in and day out any longer. but i am only a visit away. a thought away. and now i have new hearts to lift. new elders to cherish. lift up. this moment is in balance.

******

i have been looking at a shag rag rug that i am making in the process of teaching a class on various methods of making a rag-based rya rug.  i've made many like it before. in various sizes and depths on this old loom (and others). but now i am looking at it in a different light.



looking at scraps and bits from this new clothmaking process and am wondering. what if i were not to be so orderly? what if i didn't cut each strip but tore them? what if i varied the length of the strips? what if i abandoned the constraints of working a specific pattern? what if i let randomness to enter here as well?  what if i translated boro style and technique into a more 3d format and applied it to these rugmaking techniques?

i have much to think about. imagination to explore. boxes to think outside of. envelopes to push. i wonder where it will all lead?

namaste'

24 comments:

  1. Beautiful story. Lovely rya.
    I am interested now in learning rya technique. Thanks for the inspiration.

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  2. Ah, life...and change. It's good to hear this Joe.

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  3. thank you, judy! i hope you find many fascinating rya avenues to pursue. traditionally, it's done with yarn on canvas, but has been adapted in so many ways...including with rag strips (or yarn) on two warps, rag strips (or yarn) on a warped frame, and a host of other variations! most of what i've learned about rya has come from a ton of old weaving books (mostly from the 60's and 70's), with a few tidbits from vintage looms found here and there (including the one in the photo from the 30's, called a hollywood shag rag rug loom, and two other vintage looms from other companies). all of it is centered around the ghiordes knot. have fun!!

    namaste'

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  4. What a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing it.
    Your realization of being "connected" no matter what is so true and
    touching and relevant to me at this time.
    We can never have enough kindness or compassion in this world.

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  5. Thank you for sharing that beautiful story.
    I too love the rya and like Judy am off to explore and learn more.

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  6. Growing up in India, I have read the story many times.. It is now that I understand the meaning of 'that's what it is'.
    Although, it is difficult to stay connected with the truth, it certainly makes it easier to come back to it.

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  7. wonderful story and such 'thoughtful' thoughts. thank you for expressing them.

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  8. I was reading along and thinking of where I work and how relevent this story is to that situation and then you mentioned you work in the nursing profession and I realized "that's how he knows this to be true".
    I work in a homeless shelter with addicts and mentally ill clients. I love my job but there are times when clients act like poisonous spiders and we have to make the decision to stay true to ourselves and act how we are called to act. It is not easy but it's the only way to grow and be the person that you want to be. Thankyou so much for posting this when I was dreading the return to work on Friday because of spiders. This has really helped me to put the situation in perspective.

    I have been reading your blog for while - I don't recall how I found it - probably thru Jude's links which lead to other links....love your work and love boro also.

    Hilary.

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  9. what has also encouraged me is that you seem to be able to balance/have two lives - in the helping professions and artistically. that also gives me hope in my journey.

    thanks for a terrific post!!!

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  10. I read this before leaving for school this morning and I've pondered your words a few times between classes. This is a great story, and reminds me in many ways of unconditional love. Thank you, once again, for some good, wise insight. Reading your posts is always a blessing.

    ;~) Debi

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  11. Hi Joe, sharing this story and sharing your thouhgts about your old and new job gives us (me) something to think about too.
    Thank you for that

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  12. Can totally relate. Kindness, compassion ,and empathy, that's what I always show, that's who I am, That's what makes me happy. Now Rya, I've been interested in that and did notice it in your list of classes, it's Scandanavin roots I believe and that's my heritage, I've only seen it on canvas with yarn; in 1970's books.It looks like here's something that you'd be able to online teach and have a good class size. hint. hint.I'm also curious what your teaching explains.

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  13. hilary, i'm glad this has touched you in this way. i remember the first time i read the story and how it wrenched my heart. i work primarily with memory care and alzheimer's residents myself. some can be spiders. some can be butterflies. but the spider population needs the lifting up just as much as any butterfly!

    i honor your work and who you are! you are amazing! thank you!

    namaste'

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  14. thank you, one and all! your thoughts and responses have meant more than you may ever know.

    namaste'

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  15. helen, i will have to give some thought to that. i'm sure it could be done. though i'm not likely! there are actually several different forms of rya, including turkish, asian and scandanavian (amongst others). it is worked on canvas, a warped loom, two warp strands on a specialty loom, and on rug grid. i'm also currently experimenting with it on cloth (i'm sure you'll see some of this on my cloths that will be created during jude's advanced boro workshop!). the mind never sleeps....

    namaste'

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  16. Joe - you are right about the spiders needing lifting up just as much as the butterflies - actually they need it more as they do not have wings like the butterflies do.

    I do recognise that there are butterflies where I work - many butterflies have I met over the years. Just lately tho we have been getting more spiders and each of us dreads the end of our five days off and the return to the web.

    I have found lately that pouring love and kindness on a spider can sometimes result in a growth of tiny wings. I have also found that they remain spiders in spite of this.

    If it's ok with you I am going to print this out and tape it into our staff communication book at work as I think right now we need a framework - a reference. Understanding that a spider is a spider is freeing not only for us but for the spider. Heaping expectations on someone to be who they are not - in any area of life - destroys them and leads to disappointment in the one with the expectations.

    Beautiful fabric, blogs, books and cats help in the off times. Thanks again. I am so glad that I found your blog! It is you who are amazing as I could never work in the medical field - weak stomach for grossness. That being said - many could not work with the people that I work with so I guess we are where we are supposed to be.

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  17. of course, hilary. you are most welcome to print it out and post it. one of life's more difficult lessons is to accept things as they are. naturally, once they are accepted as they are in this moment, they change and must be accepted again. moment by moment. without judgment. without expectations. it's an amazing exercise in compassion and acceptance! monumental. life changing.

    namaste'

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  18. A wonderful story...and a good lesson for living.
    I have had the feeling while reading your blog posts that you are a very caring person...your story about what your profession is confirms my suspicions.
    I did numerous rya rugs and pillow tops in the 70's when it was all the rage in the Scandinavian countries. I have a very large one unfinished in a bag that has been there for 40 years :)

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  19. i am floored by this story. and how you connected to it. i see how it is also what i do, working with the kids nobody else likes or wants. today i sat with a sixteen year old as she raged against the world. her school day ended in the hands of the police. from there she will go to a residential center, where, perhaps, she will learn the skills she needs. but for now, that piece of sharp plastic i gently took from her hands will not harm her, and perhaps that is all i will ever know.

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  20. thank you, mo'a. i, too, have unfinished projects from long ago. tucked away in old suitcases and steam trunks. occasionally, i pull them out and work on them. sometimes even finish them. other times, i look at them wistfully and think, "some day"....

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  21. perhaps, velma, that is all you will ever know about this little spider...but it is enough. i honor you. hold your heart in mine. you are an amazing person. thank you for sharing this!

    namaste'

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  22. Oh Joe, what a wonderful post. I sent the link to my husband who teaches English in a tough urban neighborhood. He loved it. Blessings to both of you for doing what you do! Amazing work!
    Cat

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