"happiness does
not depend on
what you have
or
who you are
it solely relies on
what you think"
-buddha
ever drive a stick with a slipping gear? you step on the gas and start out roaring down the road, then shift into that faulty gear and the power slips. the car stalls. the engine revs, trying to find the intended gear. you begin to wonder if you are going to end up on the side of the road waiting for a tow that may takes hours on end to arrive. i've been feeling like this a lot lately.
i will be buzzing along. needles chanting. cloth becoming art. then all of a sudden, something slips and i am left on the wayside. cloth languishing. needles silent. i can see the vision of where i was going slowly fading in the distance. left wondering what happened. how did i end up standing here forgetting where i was headed?
as you may have noticed, these past few weeks have been filled with these moments. hence the noted absence of regular posts. i wish i could sit back. eyes closed. serene smile upon my lips. and dive into an exit strategy. share this gem of wisdom on how to emerge victorious from such blindsided derailments. but i haven't found that gem yet.
in the meantime, i hope you will bear with the random silences. perhaps even empathise. and know that i will find that treasure one day and share it with you. but until that time, i will keep slipping back into lower gears and trudging along at whatever creative speed the vehicle of my imagination will allow...
namaste'
Quite often when I stop by here, I find apologies. May I be so bold to say something to you: there is no need to be sorry. This is YOUR blog. It can be fallow, and quiet, and you can go missing for as long as you wish and you do not owe any of us an explanation. When you post (other than apologies) are you writing for others ... or for you? Joe, please do not misunderstand me, as I say these things from my own defiant self (it is not personally directed towards you, more a reflection), but your angst is palpable so I thought I'd leave a few words this time.
ReplyDeleteI used to drive a 4-cylinder 1974 Ford Pinto. It was orange ... with a sunroof (very swish for the time)! I called it my orange "Pimento" and I adored that car. In her 14th year she started firing on only 3 cylinders and I knew trouble was brewing. Pimento's days were numbered. I didn't have the cash for a refurb, nor a new car. When the tow truck came to finally pull her non-running remains to the boneyard, I cried in the street for my dizzy orange-head who'd taken me everywhere I needed to go.
Awkwardly, I think the point I'm trying to make with my wee story is, whatever the speed, it is YOURS. No one else's. You do not have to keep saying you are sorry for not firing on all cylinders.
Respectfully submitted by a Spirit Cloth mate,
Christi
you are very perceptive, christi. sometimes i simply forget that my blog is for myself. it is easy to begin thinking about what others want out of us. even out of our personal spaces. it allows us to stop thinking about what we wanted. subtle subterfuge hidden in shadow.
Deletethank you for the much needed beam of light!
Silence and reflection are very important things Joe - you need them to allow the inner busyness to settle and ferment, good things take time to percolate through our consciousness and sometimes I think the imagination just wants to take a rest! I'm reading a book my Shaun McNiff at the moment, Trust the Process, and it talks about allowing yourself to just be with what you're doing sometimes and not expect it all to be the best you think it can be. Be as kind and gentle with yourself as you would be with one of the guests where you work - you deserve it as much as they do
ReplyDeleteha! yes, something we are often forgetful of doing! thank you!
DeleteChristi,
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful post!
Joe,
I always stop and read your posts, I do not comment very often but please know I enjoy resting for awhile here.
darlene
your quiet presence is always a welcome warmth, darlene!
Deletehi Joe... I had this image of a truck rolling over a rocky, dirt road. Then I thought of how much more useful it is to muscles to learn to travel over uneven surfaces than a smooth path, gaining strength in a well-rounded way. Its not really a story of no pain no gain, but more a story of how mountains were made by earthquakes. Hope you follow this loose thread!
ReplyDeleteI enjoy when you post, and have no expectation that you show up for me when it isn't convenient for you.
thread caught! and much appreciated...
Delete'what you think'...that's the key, isn't it...
ReplyDeleteisn't it just?
DeleteGood advice here !
ReplyDeleteI am a newbie to your blog therefore don't know you well ... but I do know that I often have 'artistic blocks' (for lack of a better word) and I take the break ... read a good book, catch up with friends (who allow and understand my grumblings) or fallback on something fairly basic - drawing, pen & ink sketches ... always works for me !
Good luck and be good to yourself.
Sharron
welcome, sharron! here's to friends and books and those somethings familiar when needed!
Deleteblessing to you joe. just be...
ReplyDeleteHey Joe! love this photo of your gentle enquiring quest for the beauty and the art in your life
ReplyDeleteTrudge along Joe for what will come, will come when it is time. I'm on the periphery of this cloth world, don't blog, and haven't taken any classes. Several years ago, friends inspired me to begin naturally dyeing cloth and from there, I've taught myself how to do a little stitching and created some wall hangings. I'm familiar with the cloth blog world and appreciate the sharing, knowledge, and wisdom found therein. For all of the beauty and insight that you have shared, with your cloths, with your words, I thank you.
ReplyDeletesuch a gentle touch, marti. so welcome and appreciated.
DeleteI hope it's a seasonal thing, though I suspect that these 'derailments' are an ongoing (read: brave!) move arising from some wise part of you that recognizes you need more time to yourself.
ReplyDeletethen again, I could be making this up!
ha, dee! ever the optimist! "some wise part" indeed! tra la la! is there such a bit? ha!
Deletei know the feeling.
ReplyDeleteTry the book by Twyla Tharp. The Creative Habit. She has many tools including how to keep from losing your place.......really good. I miss your stitching, but love the cat in the case. I have a creature like that as well. So amusing.
ReplyDeletethanks, vj. i shall have to acquire a copy!
Delete