a new romping ground

"when you believe

something can be done,

really believe,

your mind will find

ways to do it."

-dr. david schwartz 

it also works in the reverse. i know from personal experience that this is true.  when you believe that you don't have the skills or abilities to achieve something, then your beliefs will undermine anything you do to make it true.  i find myself thinking things like, "i can't do this" or "i can't limit myself to one idea" or "i just don't have time to devote to this." or i find myself thinking things like, "it's not going to turn out" or "it's not going to come close to becoming what i have pictured in my mind". in times like these, the subconscious mind works very hard to make them happen just as i have feared. funny how that works.

what if (uh oh, now i'm sounding like jude again) i were to wake up and actually expect the best to happen? what if i were to start a project and expect it to turn out as best as it can? what if i were to be flexible enough, and compassionate enough with myself and my surroundings to allow things to unfold and become what they want to be instead of trying to force them into my own preconceived ideas? can you imagine what i could accomplish? can you image how much joy would permeate everything in my life?

it's crazy when you start to think about life in these terms. . .when we start treating ourselves with compassion and understanding just as we would treat our loved ones. our entire attitude changes. our aspirations grow and blossom. stress begins to melt away. . .

i know, to the casual observer, it appears as i do this effortlessly already. but it doesn't. i struggle with these dragons, and others, just like everyone else. i tend to get in my own way more often then not. but i'm working on it. 

to this end, i've been diving deeper into my piles of cloth and fearlessly (ha!) cutting into bits that i've been "saving" for that "perfect project."  i've come to realize, there is no "perfect project." they are all perfect projects!

this one above is my latest panorama. it hasn't begun whispering its story yet, so i'm listening quietly to hear what will unfold. meanwhile, i'm needle chanting my way across the woven indigo sky and gazing into the face of the rusty moon to see if i can discern her features. those hills look like they would be terrific fun to romp around on! for those of you who sew clothing (or salvage it for cloth making) you might recognize the shapes of those rolling hills. they are shirt sleeve crowns! and so many textures! i'm having so much fun with these hills and i haven't even really begun to play with them yet!

namaste'

a color whispering smidgeon

this quiet moon has been resting peacefully until this afternoon when she began dreaming of grasses becoming flowers, prancing cat tails, and even a visiting dragonfly. there is still a lot of story to be told here... but the moon is shy still. perhaps after a nap she will have more to say... or even to unveil her face...

at the moment, i am inspired by this. i think i may even still have a little gadget for making these tucked away in the oubliette somewhere!

namaste'

breaking through

"for a long time,

he flew only when

he thought no one

else was watching..."

been playing with string and scraps...doing my best to imitate the saint's cranky kitty...and scratching my way through this week long creative block and finally came up with this. it's not the best shot (the lighting is non-existent and reds are almost impossible to shoot with a non-professional digital camera), and it's not the complete project...but a sneak peek at my new keeping pouch. i still have a few seemingly random stitches to add here and there and then to package it up, filled with a small long cloth, and send it sailing its way to a new, dear friend's door who's been waiting ever so patiently for its arrival. doubly pleased i am that my break through was facilitated by a gift....

warm gratitude to you all for your kind and encouraging words throughout this fallow time!

namaste'

being vulnerable

“to love at all is to be vulnerable. 

love anything, and your heart will certainly 

be wrung and possibly broken.

if you want to make sure of keeping it intact, 

you must give your heart to no one, 

not even to an animal. 

wrap it carefully round with hobbies 

and little luxuries; 

avoid all entanglements; 

lock it up safe in the casket 

or coffin of your selfishness. 

but in that casket- 

safe, dark, motionless, airless--

it will change. 

it will not be broken; 

it will become unbreakable, 

impenetrable, 

irredeemable.”

-c. s. lewis

i have been thinking on this passage from one of c. s. lewis' books while stitching on my boro heart. i can think of no better truth than this when it comes to loving. to living.  at times, i have done this, and know from whence he speaks. that casket is warm. soft. protected. but is also stifling. fosters death. one should not be found in a casket until after one has left this mortal world behind.

this boro heart reflects my own heart quite nicely. true, there are a lot of breaks and cracks. some still to be mended and re-attached. but still growing. loving. living.  beneath this shattered heart is another. whole. unbroken heart.

still vulnerable. eternally vulnerable. ready to be placed in the hands of one who would cherish and nurture it. it is only wrapped in the tattered and embroidered robes of the heart broken by others.

this heart has much farther to go before it will become the jewel it is destined to be. but for now, it will rest and infuse my home with its warmth and life. whispering quietly to my soul. filling the soft and reticent nights with its soothing tones. i would believe anything you tell me, so long as it is whispered...

namaste'

  

radiance redo

i'm much happier with the new radiance stitching.  i pulled out all of the kantha stitching that went out in rays from the moon and replaced them with a more subtle combination of vintage off white pearl cotton and hand dyed variegated pearl cotton in a randomized spiral.  this maintained the quiet peacefulness of the cloth while still creating a radiance from the moon.

and a close up (it's difficult to see the variegated stitches...i can hardly wait to get home and get my good camera out instead of relying on my droid cam):

that woven cloth peeking out from behind the midwinter cloth is one of my c2c pieces.  i'll post pics once i get some stitching done of it, but right now it's just pinned...

meanwhile, these remind me of what is falling gently outside at the moment...

and i'm really enjoying this...and this...

namaste'

some stitching, a fine dinner, and a quiet night...

spent a nice afternoon stitching on the midwinter long-cloth, sipping a good merlot, and spending some quality time with the saint wrapped around my feet and my folks on the davenport.  mom, of course, has decided the midwinter long-cloth is hers.  i'm not certain what the cloth has to say about that...it's still revealing itself and hasn't spoken much above a whisper....

i've added some modified kantha stitching around the moon to give it some radiance... i think it may need some more...maybe some spaced stitches to suggest fading light?  i have also started adding french knot snowflakes.  think the cloth still wants some random seed stitch snowflakes to add texture and visual interest.  as you can see, the roots definitely extend beyond the outer edge and will become part of a fringe with the cloth is complete.

you can see the modified kantha stitches better in this close up as well as some of the french knot snow flakes.  i'm not certain where that little dragon pup flew in from but he seems rather interested in what's going on there...

here you can see the beginnings of that bird's nest i mentioned in an earlier post (i used the scissors to point at it to help you find it since it isn't well-defined yet).  that little curl on the left side is couched down.  i'm thinking it needs more thread or at least an egg or a bird or something, but will come back to it later...it's being somewhat vague with it's desires at the moment...

here's a close up of the root system of this quiet little tree.  it's still just pinned down and patiently awaiting to be couched (if you could see the rest of this picture, you'd be groaning at the pun since the cloth is sitting on the couch at the moment).  i will most likely work on couching them all down tomorrow before going back to stitching snowflakes, moonbeams and other various sundry bits.  somewhere, just out of sight, is still a quiet presence waiting for the right moment to present itself.  the anticipation is of meeting him/her is poking me in the side like an unruly child.  i can hardly wait...

this was the wonderful dinner my dad prepared for us tonight (odd that he seems to do most of the cooking when my mom is the master chef!).  the crustacean was delectably amazing.  i could have eaten three more of them but had to remind myself that i'm trying to watch my consumption these days....

now i'm off to bundle up and go sit by the waterfall out back with the saint and soak up some of the crisp midnight air and bask in the starshine now that the snowstorm has passed us by.  i wonder if the saint will be wanting a scarf tonight, too?

namaste'

  

"...a little more comfortable in the nest.”

the lure and gravity of the midwinter long cloth was too great for me to withstand today. the roots multiplied.  the trunk thickened. the branches grew. some unseen bird built a subtle nest in the upper left branches from the laundry cluster of threads.  the nest is empty.  i can't help but wonder whether the bird will return or may nestle an egg or two in its gentle embrace whilst i'm not looking once again?
the roots have been pinned down and are ready for couching.  will probably start on that tomorrow (i've decided i need some sleep for a change tonight).

some of the snow layers are beginning to curl in the corners...  i get the feeling that they may do more of that before being kantha'd into place.  but i am reserving from forming preconceptions.  i am enjoying sitting quietly and allowing the midwinter long cloth to whisper into my ear what it wishes me to do next to help it manifest.

from a design point of view, i feel as though the piece is weighted a bit too heavily to the left. of course, the kantha stitching and other threadwork may shift it back into balance on its own.  or perhaps some as yet unknown character in this story will put in an appearance before the telling is done...

i would hold my breath in anticipation, but i'm enjoying the process and the moment too much for that!

namaste'


p.s. for those of you who might be wondering: the post title is from a quotation of bill moyers, "when i learn something new - and it happens every day - i feel a little more at home in this universe, a little more comfortable in the nest.”   it seemed appropriate in so many ways.....
 

somewhere a tree grows...

got to work on the midwinter cloth some more today, in between and after the many errands and preparatory chores that had to be accomplished before closing my eyes.  who knew there was so much to do to get ready to journey to boise to spend the holidays with my parents for the first time in nine years? amidst all this frenetic activity, my mind turned to a quieter scene...  my morning meditation practice is one way i find peace in the middle of all this chaos. a deep, enduring peace that i take with me into the journeys and interactions of the ensuing day.

as i gazed at the midwinter cloth, it seemed that a moon was required in the night sky.  upon reflection, i realized this was a gratitude moon...in particular, in gratitude to jude hill for being the first to introduce me to this particular forest of ideas and in memory of all the beautiful and blessing moons that grace her cloths.  it will still need an echo of radiating kantha stitches to give it depth and presence.

next, a tree began to grow somewhere in the snowbanks.  it is still growing and whispers of many more branches and a more textured trunk...but the promise of what is to come is already chanting quietly across the snowscape.

the roots have decided that they are not going to hide beneath the snow (though they are not yet couched down) and the sky is already asking for french knot snowflakes.  there is still a lot of kantha stitching to be done in the background as well... and i can hear the quiet chant of something not yet known that promises to put in an appearance before the midwinter cloth is complete.  it seems, too, that the frays of laundry resultant tangles on some of the blues have need of some stitching, too, though they have yet to speak up and tell me in what fashion they want to make their mark...

but for the moment, this cloth is going to sleep for a bit...as i am in need of the warmth of bedquilts, the purring neckwarmer that is cat, and the gentle tug and kick of the saint lost in puppy dreams at the foot of the bed...

namaste'