"small actions,
quiet
and no expectations."
-anna lisa
this past year has been one of unrealized dreams and postponed goals for me. not for want of trying. not for lack of initiation. but for a loss of focus. day to day work has taken over my life. or life has become obscured by my day to day work. no one should have to (or choose to) work 70-80+ hours a week and sacrifice one's home and friends. one's creativity. indeed, one's very life.
i find myself wondering "why? why have i done this?" reflectling deeply brings the answer in a hushed whisper: "to hide. hide from your feelings. hide from the world. hide from whatever."
when you hide for so long, you forget who you are. how you are. how to move forward. to climb out of the pit you have dug. you become overwhelmed and long to dig deeper. to hide better. but there is only one way out of this trap.
small. deliberate. actions.
so i begin to stitch again. to be more mindful of the life food i take into my body. to stretch and play music. to say "no" gently, but firmly, when asked to take up the gauntlet of un-covered shifts at the cottage. to venture forth into the world with small steps with no expectations beyond to move in some direction. to not just look, but to see each moment. quietly. thoughtfully. savour each step, no matter how small or great, for it is a step to another place. another moment.
this is as close to a new year's resolution as i will come. and it is well and good.
may you all find your moments of joy and fulfillment throughout the new year!
namaste'
I enjoy your blog Joe and tried the pie crust it actually worked for me. First time in 50 years. Never too old to learn. Happy New Year and wish you a more stress free year and more time for you.
ReplyDeletei'm so please on both accounts! ha! have a great new year as well!
Deletealways beginning, every day.
ReplyDeleteLove to you, grace
I understand the hiding. May your upcoming days be spent in light. Much goodness to you in 2013.
ReplyDeleteSeeds and eggs and souls incubate. Love, Peggy
ReplyDeletehmmmm...i think there is a small cloth in there somewhere.
DeleteLooking forward to how taking care of number one affects your life in the days going forward!
ReplyDeleteha! as am i!
DeleteJoe, I have been thinking of you this past month. On behalf of those your care for and their families, thank you. My Dad had a bad stroke (#4 or 5, I've lost track). He has been in rehab since the 13th. I am taking care of my Mom who is 82 and has mild Parkinson's. I always knew that caregivers, nurses, therapists, etc. were angels. The past month has really brought that further into focus. The care that they show the patient and the family is amazing. You all work tirelessly and no question goes unanswered. I have thank those that have made my father's stay easier, but I also wanted to thank you. I know that some have never thanked you for all that you do, so please accept my gratitude on their behalf. Thank you and Happy New Year.
ReplyDeleteah...parkinson's can be so much more difficult than alzheimer's. i've cared for them as well, and the onset dimentia is so different. less predictable. my heart goes out to you, jeannie! your gratitude is overwhelming. while it is true that some families will never thank the caregivers who love their loved ones as if they were their own, the rewards on a different level are more than worth it! to be a part of helping someone to continue to live with dignity, love and honor is something no words can truly convey. may the new year shower you with love and compassion, jeannie!
Deletebeautiful winged cloth.
ReplyDeletewishing you strength in your journey back to yourself.
Beautiful stitching & a toast to carving time for your art Joe! Give yourself an extra 1-2 hours a day that are just yours to play music or stitch or draw. I do it by waking at 2am (that's a bit extreme I know but I'm a crazy old artist who needs to make my dreams and it works for me) getting up just a bit earlier gives you that special quiet time to think to make to meditate to play & be free!
ReplyDeleteyes! 1-2 hours that are simply mine to do with as i so choose, creatively. i will not likely join you at 2 am for this, but will most certainly make this my priority this year!
Deletebeautiful post here. love reading your thoughts.
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year Joe, love your blog. Do take care.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Cheryl