pande…monium

 “i am an artist you know…

it is my right to be mad!”

-e.a. buchianneri

my grasp on this blog has always been tenuous at best. so many avenues with more immediate gratification pulling me in other directions like instagram and facebook. then the pandemic loomed large and out of control. furloughed and depressed, i turned inward, reaching out through those other mediums as they were simpler. faster. required less of me. but is that truly healthy? does it instill creativity? foster artistic growth?

one thing that i have always loved about blogging is that it requires me to look deeper. examine. uncover. share…but with something more. to do so simply for the sake of being honest with myself. more open with myself.

when it comes down to it, i  blog because i want to give that voice a venue in which to whisper. to allow myself the space to see what it is i’m creating from a different perspective…and if that imparts some insight to others, then it is doubly blessed. if nothing else, then at least it shares the inner workings of a madman amidst his creative expressions!

namasté

homeward bound beneath a friendly moon

“tragedy doesn’t necessarily change us.
 more often, i think, it just brings out
more of who we are - or were - all along “
-nora roberts  

my dear friends, i know i haven’t been actively posting of late - indeed it’s been so very long that some of you may have forgotten you even followed in the first place - but life rather shook me off my feet a while and i had to set my blog aside, and then of course the longer i left it at rest, the harder it was to summon up the energy to begin again. 

i always thought that i’d come back to it one day. it was here, waiting safe, and appreciated by any of those who still stumbled across it. i had more ideas to share, and no less love for my work. i've made some false starts. perhaps this will be yet another. my hope, however, is that i will be able to fan the spark into a healthy flame once again!

this project roll (pictured above) is my latest endeavour. i started with annie downs’ pattern, “homeward bound”. but i had other ideas for construction, design, and ornament. lol. i always do, don’t i?

i quilted it with decorative stitches from one of my younger vintage machines and carried my bunny under the moon theme to the inside work area, never being one for leaving cloth plain. i also bound the work mat instead of using ricrac. 

it makes for a wonderfully convenient way to transport appliqué and embroidery projects in progress! my modification of using a pool noodle, rather than the called for mailing tube, makes the core a handy pin cushion, too.

with my latest project safely rolled up inside, i’m ready and able to carry it anywhere, even if it’s only from the sewing room to the living room while sheltering in place!

namasté

at home with fragments

“every experience, 

no matter how bad it seems, 

holds within a blessing 

of some kind. 

the goal is to find it.“

-buddha

i got laid off today. the corona virus and the oil price war between russia and saudi arabia have all but shut down the oil industry in the states. of a sudden, i have a lot of time on my hands, so this is happening. a bit of fragment exploration in three dimensions. playing with unusual forms to create old favourites. where will this all lead? i do not know, but it should be fun figuring it out!

namasté

wandering unleashed

when you set no deadlines,

you can allow your curiosity

to wander unleashed...

i've long admired ann wood's devilly delicious owls, so you can imagine my joy when she released her pattern!

this little guy has been fun to create from salvaged fabrics, vintage buttons, and more!

he's still got a long journey ahead of him, along with a few surprises!

namasté

considering edges

"i want to stand

as close to the edge

as i can

without going over.

out on the edge

you see all kinds of things

you can't see

from the center."

-kurt vonnegut

the skies this morning are sitting on the edge between endless sunshine and thunderous storms. the morning itself is and edge. between darkness and light. chill and warmth. is it no small wonder that i find myself considering edges?

in art, no matter the medium, the edge is as important as the center, the focus, of the piece.  how that edge is contained. or left wild and free. how the edges interact with the environment around it. do the edges set boundaries? redirecting the eye back into the center. or do they invite the viewer to explore new vistas? drawing one beyond the confines of the piece into unknown territories.

when we entertain going beyond the edges, we talk about pushing the envelope. this implies that we are inside the envelope. with everyone else. trapped. constrained. that we are trying to find the edges on the outside. so we can move them. but if we simply move the edges, we are still sitting safely inside them.

i prefer to think of edges as doorways. passages beyond, yes, but also portals of return. allowing us to roam the endless possibilities while still beckoning us home once again. to rediscover ourselves in light of new understandings. new experiences.  to explore the treasures we find elsewhere. the ideas. the techniques. and to integrate them with our own evolving sense of style and interaction with the world through our art.

will you step through that doorway?

namaste'

considering play

"play is the only way

the highest intelligence of

humankind can unfold."

-joseph chilton pearce 

just playing. and considering. these two activities go hand in hand really. they can also be a field for a crossroads of another sort. where the lo-tech style of my art meets the hi-tech tools of modern pocket computers  (otherwise known as "smart phones"). while i still enjoy lo-tech romping with colored mark making tools such as paints and colored pencils, creative apps and digital images allow me to play at times when it might not otherwise be convenient to pull out paper and pencils or a watercolour kit. like while standing in a queue at market. or sitting in my monstrous front loader on break at work!

here, i'm entertaining the idea of light as wreath. or wreath as sun. which way around depends upon your perspective. it's nice to see an idea on "paper" so quickly. allows me to move forward without a sense of wasting much time when the idea doesn't work out. or, in this case, allows me to move on to cloth and stitch more swiftly when it does!

namasté

portals

every doorway,

every intersection

has a story.

-katherine dunn

i've been thinking lately about the story of my cloth work. not so much of the story of how i came to do it, but rather the why of the art itself. whether the "art" in question is cloth, paint, music...or even the way i arrange my personal space...it all boils down to my desire to reunite and record fragments of thought, feeling, and memory in such a way as to convey these fragments to others. to allow them a glimpse into my joy. my sorrow. my...whatever...and by doing this, i continue to discover new things about myself...how i relate to the world...through the process of quieting my mind and working with my hands and the interplay of them and the materials i am working with. this opens a doorway into the inner workings of how we each look at the world in which we live. provides an avenue for sharing...

namaste'

recovering a sense of play

"the creation of something new

is not accomplished by the intellect

but by the play instinct."

-carl jung

life can sometimes bog us down. adulting can be a very serious matter which can take over and rub the shiny off of just about everything.  in order to remain sane, we must remember to cultivate a sense of play.

play energizes us. enlivens us. it has the capability of renewing our sense of optimism and makes us open to new possibilities. in our art. in our lives. in general.

there are many ways in which one can play.  one of my favorites is to create and play with little people. needle chanting new spirit-filled people into existence and fanning the imagination with their stories.

here are three such people in their beginning stages. a perky boobed lady emerging from an old fragment of experimental batik. a woodsy fellow in winter holiday colors making his way from a vintage clothing fragment. finally, a peachy, flesh-toned dude taking shape from a "failed" dye experiment. beyond these few shreds, their stories are still transpiring. being whispered quietly in the background.

me? i'm carefully listening.
with scraps of cloth and fibre.
allowing.
being.

namaste'

poking around

"some people have told

me that i'm grumpy; 

it's not something 

that i'm aware of.

it's not like i walk around

poking children 

in the eye...

not very small ones, anyway."

- dylan moran

i've been away from creating anything (pole barns and home remodels notwithstanding) that it would appear that my general demeanor is being affected.  in an effort to move back toward a more affable nature, i began poking around in the old steamer trunks and rustic cabinets that i stored away the more the "traditional" quilting projects i had once planned oh so many years ago when i used to manage a local quilt shop.  enough proverbial water has flowed beneath that bridge that i think i can approach them once again without the negative energies the woman who owned the shop instilled my my quilting experience.  oh! what treasures i found!  some i'm not even certain what my intentions were back then, so they will have to be reworked into something new.  but this! this little packet of oriental fabrics was tied up with string and contained the book from whence came my abandoned plan!

i began first cutting strips.  then triangles. then sewing hexagrams. well, half hexagrams. the two halves will be sewn into rows and then together to avoid awkward seams.  above are a few of the fun little kaleidoscope blocks that have emerged. down in the lower left corner is a stack of 18 more.  out of the frame is a stack of enough triangles grouped together to form 3 times this many hexies.  once they have joined this bunch, it will be off to play on the design wall!

i can hardly wait to see how this turns out!  it feels good to be excited by something creative once again...

namaste'

perhaps...perhaps...perhaps...

"great ideas emerge

from useless fragments

of  thoughts."

-michael bassey johnson

perhaps time has slipped and left me along the selvage. sidelined. overlooked. perhaps this creates space. for thoughts. for dreams. perhaps what we think fills this space really only fills the expanse beside the space. like cloth filled with color and image beside the selvage.  

i seem to get lost all too frequently in these edges. of time and space.  perhaps it is simply a side effect of depression. or merely a forgetting to be present. perhaps i can nudge something from this stagnation. poke the hibernating bear, as it were.

play with some of these fragments. arrange a bit of a shrine, if you will. some tiny vignette  on my worktable to entice an idea. or three. from the ethers. to draw me away from the selvage and back into the tapestry of color...

namaste'

a little more

"nothing can be done

except little by little"

-charles baudelaire

i'm slowly emerging, not unlike this year's spring. sometimes it seems like there is no time, though there is time enough for a little more. it's been a bit of a struggle...transitioning from a sedentary occupation to a physically demanding one. and at my age, no less!  couple the resulting sheer exhaustion with recurring depression and add into the mix the beginnings of arthritis and sometimes i just don't want to get off the davenport.

but the creative calling is strong. too strong to ignore for long, so this morning found me at the workbench adding cedar shake shingles to the first birdhouse. tiny little things, hand milled from scraps of cedar flooring from the cabin project.  the supply shelves out in the woodshed are filling up with all manner of marvelous bits from this adventure.  blue pine from the ceiling. red cedar from the floors. logs, branches and bits from the various pine trees and juniper bushes we've been harvesting for various projects around the house.  so many visions of new endeavors!  there's a lovely pine log that will become a fairy house...and some gorgeous longer bits of cedar that will make a marvelous box dulcimer with perhaps enough left over to become a scheitholt even!  they will make for pleasant little diversions from stitch and cloth now again.

my hope at this moment is that all of you in the crazy snow belt that has descended upon us are safe and warm and that those elsewhere are also safe and enjoying your days!

meanwhile, i was enchanted by what i found here.

namaste'

roots before branches

sometimes i get lost, looking up into the heights of the branches cresting the trees above me. i long to be up there. amongst the clouds. the birds. and i have to remember that those branches cannot sail so high in the winds without first sending sturdy roots deep into the soil beneath my feet.

today i am tending to my roots. feeding my soul. needle chanting foundations. sorting fragments. but still keeping an eye to the branches of tomorrow.

namaste'

time has a way about it...

"thirty was so strange for me.

i've really had to come to terms

with the fact that i am now 

a walking and talking adult."

-c.s. lewis

i remember feeling just so. as c.s. lewis did at thirty. i wonder how he felt at forty? at fifty? having just turned forty-eight a few days ago, time has intruded upon my thoughts once again. though this time, in a different manner. i've been thinking lately how i have forgotten how to manage my time. for years i have worked between 70 and 80+ hours a week. this leaves little more than stolen moments to play with between work and sleep. now, for the past month, i've reduced my hours to simply 40 a week. i have so much spare time. but i have forgotten how to utilize it. i have found myself sitting on the couch more often than not. wasting my time doing little to nothing. oddly overwhelmed by the nothingness, really. so, yesterday, i decided i could no longer afford to do this anymore. i began to reclaim control...

i picked up needle and thread and began chanting this abandoned piece once more. adding soft blues and muted oranges by hand to the machine stitched bird. chanting butterfly trails to remind them where they have been. begun digging through small, wooden boxes and satcheled caches of ephemera in search of more to push the boundaries of this little cloth.

oh, i know i am unlikely to stick with this one cloth until it is finished. there are too many others now calling for my attention, and you know how i like to jump around as my creativity directs me. but, for now, this little bird has captured my attention once again.

at least, that is, during the cool morning hours until the sun begins to beat like a south african drum. luring me out into the shady recesses where i have stashed my old farm truck and my fingers begin to itch for the sensation of oil and grit...

namaste'

it'll drive you crazy, if you let it

these past several weeks for me have been a bit of a blur. no amazing artistic breakthroughs. no mind-blowing sparks of realization. they've simply been markers of a string of ordinary events. drizzly rain on cloudy days. a bit of sun and mom and dad's. the long drive from here to boise and back again. more drizzly rain and cloudy days. and through it all a trail of half-formed ideas and addled musings that never quite seem to make it to the surface of the creative pool...

to pass the time and keep from going crazier than a one-eyed coon on a lopsided merry-go-round, i've been revisiting my musical instrument collection and sorting through my cloth stores. alternately, of course, since i seem to have the attention span of a retarded gnat lately so couldn't manage to focus on the two tasks at once.

this morning i was re-arranging my mountain dulcimer collection to make room for my cigar box guitars when a thought dashed through my foggy brain...  after a couple cups of coffee, i grabbed one of my favorite dulcimers (that'd be the one on the left...though i have so many favorites) and a couple of slides, then sat down to explore what it might sound like if i were to apply blues slide guitar techniques to the strings of a hillbilly instrument. a few hours...a several misguided turns, belly laughs, and a scared cat or two...later, here's what i came up with:

maybe there is a light glowing somewhere in the dark of this besotted tunnel?

namaste'

creative chaos

"don't think.

thinking is the enemy of creativity.

it's self-conscious,

and anything self-conscious is lousy.

you can't try to do things.

you simply must do things."

-ray bradbury

i ought to find something in this drawer that'll work...

it's been snowing these past couple days and night. snowing and bitter cold. well, bitter cold by spring's standards at any rate.

in keeping with the bradbury quote above (which, by the way, hangs prominently in my studio), i've been reaching past the threads and bits of cloth. ignoring thoughts. forgetting thinking. fingers grasping wires and solder and wood. can't help it. that cigar box guitar bug has bitten my butt hard!

almost finished with the first rendition....

namaste'

stitching of another kind

sometimes i just need to release my mind into other forms of creativity to get back to where i belong...

namaste'

mixing some media

i'm just continuing my thoughts about mixing free-motion machine embroidery with hand stitching and then taking it another step down that brambled path that is the intrepid "what if" trail by adding in some other media besides thread and cloth. i've tossed in some metal and buttons; safety pin and metal beads. before we are done journeying down this road there will most likely be glass and paper and who knows what all else added! all the while keeping within this year's focus: fragments.

i don't think i have really talked much about this focus yet. the intent here is to allow these seemingly "unfinished" pieces to stand on their own. they will range from simple cloth fragments with snatches of thoughts embroidered with simplicity on through the gamut to ones such as this one, exhibiting a riot of color and materials!

of course, i have much still to do with this piece and it seems to be full steam ahead, filled with passionate momentum! there is much embellishment to be done in the lower left corner amongst the metal bits, the knots running diagonally across the cloth are only just beginning to emerge, the bird is still largely untouched, and upper corners and borders need further development. the idea is offset the rather bleak fragment of thought with a counterpoint of joyous color and riotous activity to illustrate that even dressed up. decorated. a broken heart is still always going to be broken. of course, there are many ways one can go with this idea. but that travels well beyond this humble fragment's purpose...which is merely to pose the idea. compel you to think and draw your own conclusions.

namaste'

on painted wing

i needed to drink in some color before diving into the growing pile of darkly hued salvage for the new story cloth, box of darkness. to quench that thirst, i pulled out this little creature that began to emerge back here out of some lovely gifted cloth hand-dyed by deb. i had originally inked in a few wispy lines to suggest a wing on the left side. she whispered. i listened and painted in a set of "proper" wings. then stitched and knotted. satisfied whispers ensued. there is much to unfold and manifest before the whispers will soften and begin revealing their stories...but we are both content with this new development for the moment.

namaste'

stitching myself into a new perspective

i don't know that i can explain why i haven't been able to stitch lately, but it feels amazing to be needle chanting once again!  the background seemed to come together effortlessly. the salvaged linen moon (from an old resort shirt found hiding in the back recesses of my closet...unworn for many years) laid down as though it was meant to be there. usually there is a struggle, punctuated with sailor-speak, to get linen to lay down without endless distortions.

wanting a clean slate upon which to work the rabbit dancer, i decided to redraft her onto some plain white cotton. she is temporarily tacked down, ready to be needle-turned and then built upon with scrap and stitch. there is such energy in this cloth that i am feeling quite invigorated by it! but what is so different now?

it could be that i am reconnecting with a theme that always seems to predominate in my art. form. the body. and its endless variations. in this case, an anthropomorphic dancer. as i look back at the various bodies of my work, i am confronted time and again with this filter. i see it in my sculpture. find it repeatedly in my batik experiments. it appears throughout my sketch books. even in cloth, the human form is found again and again in various guises. i think i shall have to contemplate this... watch where it goes. how it continues to manifest. perhaps this is my filter. the bones upon which hang the flesh of my creativity...

meanwhile, i am delighting in putting needle to cloth once again!

namaste'

something completely different

took a little break from cloth and thread to attend to something completely different. you may remember me entertaining the idea some weeks back of de-constructing some old industrial pallets to use the lumber on my walls. after countless hours of de-construction, i finally had enough slats to get to work on my first wall. going is slow as the lumber is not large. but i am already loving the rustic results! i can't wait to see it completed and counterpointed with curtains, artwork, and furniture!

namaste'